Love… you just took me on such a beautiful human journey with you!
Every emotion and question you’ve written here landed deep in my heart.
“My mother doesn’t want anyone to know what’s going on with her, so I hold everything in out of respect for her sacred bubble.”
I know this feeling all too well. There’s so much to unlearn and relearn when it comes to this practice—we have a job to do, and I’m working on it too.
“Because I’m on ancestral timing these days.”
I need more about this in your next season—please, please share more!
“…the teachers tell us how important it is to ‘get lost in the hologram.’”
Well, now I understand what I’ve been doing all along… getting lost (lol).
“I felt a floodgate of grief and rage on those days; from the sheer magnitude of emotion, I couldn’t tell if it was mine, ancestral, or eternal.”
This hit me powerfully. I felt it. Deeply.
“Girl, you can’t be living in the light like that.”
The wisdom in this is everything. Our reality is rooted in contrast—I can’t just choose to live in one and be surprised when the other still exists. I have a lot of practicing to do when it comes to having the strength to face the dark, too.
“It’s tomorrow, and Season Two of Reality Streaming is coming. This I know.”
Love you, Ramin jaan! Thank you for reading and engaging with this stream of subconscious musings. It's so good to be connected with you in all the ways <3
I cannot believe one person can assimiliate all of these experiences. The level to which you commit to reality, for all its contradictions and horrors, is astounding. Thank you, thank you for sharing this. I am walking away in awe at what you have lived through and the grace that allowed you to hold yourself and others with such gentle hands.
Your balance of narrative with lyrical intensity is also so impressive. The parts that pierced my soul were:
my partner sits in the type of posture that says I’m here and nowhere else.
His eyes are very accepting of his destiny, but his body is holding on for dear life.
grieving the part of me I thought was ready to be with the world.
The tears become muted howls that shake her insides violently and quietly. That must be where I get it from.
I don’t know how to be honest in a daily way without betraying my mother.
I pick a fight with myself thousands of times over until I surrender to the dawn on the other side of depression.
I continue my walks to Joan Didion’s house, where I plead with her spirit to help me write again.
I felt a floodgate of grief and rage on those days; from the sheer magnitude of emotion, I couldn’t tell if it was mine, ancestral, or eternal.
There was a time that I spoke profusely and painfully about how, as ‘marginalized’ people, we need to be seen for all the invisible labor we undertake. I realize now that this invisibility is a crucial part of my work...
For the last seven years, he hasn’t once been afraid to see me work at full power and so I show him how I grieve at full power too.
❤
Literally thought of you a few days ago and then this landed in my inbox. Sending love 🫶🏽
(same! ^ you came into the container of my mind a few days ago too)
I heard you :)
your words make space to find peace through the daily dips in/out of Contrast... thank you hawa <3 so good to read you again
<3 thank you, friend
Love… you just took me on such a beautiful human journey with you!
Every emotion and question you’ve written here landed deep in my heart.
“My mother doesn’t want anyone to know what’s going on with her, so I hold everything in out of respect for her sacred bubble.”
I know this feeling all too well. There’s so much to unlearn and relearn when it comes to this practice—we have a job to do, and I’m working on it too.
“Because I’m on ancestral timing these days.”
I need more about this in your next season—please, please share more!
“…the teachers tell us how important it is to ‘get lost in the hologram.’”
Well, now I understand what I’ve been doing all along… getting lost (lol).
“I felt a floodgate of grief and rage on those days; from the sheer magnitude of emotion, I couldn’t tell if it was mine, ancestral, or eternal.”
This hit me powerfully. I felt it. Deeply.
“Girl, you can’t be living in the light like that.”
The wisdom in this is everything. Our reality is rooted in contrast—I can’t just choose to live in one and be surprised when the other still exists. I have a lot of practicing to do when it comes to having the strength to face the dark, too.
“It’s tomorrow, and Season Two of Reality Streaming is coming. This I know.”
YES!! Counting down.
Love you, Ramin jaan! Thank you for reading and engaging with this stream of subconscious musings. It's so good to be connected with you in all the ways <3
I cannot believe one person can assimiliate all of these experiences. The level to which you commit to reality, for all its contradictions and horrors, is astounding. Thank you, thank you for sharing this. I am walking away in awe at what you have lived through and the grace that allowed you to hold yourself and others with such gentle hands.
Your balance of narrative with lyrical intensity is also so impressive. The parts that pierced my soul were:
my partner sits in the type of posture that says I’m here and nowhere else.
His eyes are very accepting of his destiny, but his body is holding on for dear life.
grieving the part of me I thought was ready to be with the world.
The tears become muted howls that shake her insides violently and quietly. That must be where I get it from.
I don’t know how to be honest in a daily way without betraying my mother.
I pick a fight with myself thousands of times over until I surrender to the dawn on the other side of depression.
I continue my walks to Joan Didion’s house, where I plead with her spirit to help me write again.
I felt a floodgate of grief and rage on those days; from the sheer magnitude of emotion, I couldn’t tell if it was mine, ancestral, or eternal.
There was a time that I spoke profusely and painfully about how, as ‘marginalized’ people, we need to be seen for all the invisible labor we undertake. I realize now that this invisibility is a crucial part of my work...
For the last seven years, he hasn’t once been afraid to see me work at full power and so I show him how I grieve at full power too.
Thank you so much for reading this, Carson, and all your reflections! My favorite poetry teacher <3
loved reading every word, sending you heaps of love hawa jaan 🤍
tashakur, negine jaaaaan <3
Beautifully and eloquently written. I love you 💕
Love you, dear Rani <3